Evil Lord Xenu Bedtime Story
"When logic doesn't work, bedazzle 'em with bullshit until their eyes are brown.  See, look at mine.  Brown like a cows ass!" Inventor of Bullshit

When trying to determine which category to put this review under, it was very difficult. I mean, it's not really about a book or movie or whatnot - but it sort of is. But not. But yeah, it is. But not really.

But what it really is is about the story of the Evil Galaxy Overlord named Xenu. It is about the tragic saga of what he did to deal with over population on the 76 planets he controlled 75 million years ago. (If you don't know what I'm talking about - go to www.Xenu.net). That's: www.XENU.net

This story I have to give 5 stars. Of course, the 5 stars are because it is the most stoopidist thing I have ever heard in my entire life. And because there is an entire belief structure surrounding this story - well, it aint belief... it is fact. But that is a different horse of a different color - that makes it even more so stupid.

I mean stoopid.

Xenu, after capturing 13.5 trillion people on the pretense of doing a tax audit (and you thunked the IRS is bad), shot them in the jugular with a mixture that was suppose to freeze them, and then boxed them up - put them in DC8 planes with rocket engines and flew them all to earth.

Then he layed them around volcano's, dropped hydrogen bombs in the volcanoes and blew everyone up. The souls of the 13.5 trillion dead aliens whoooshed around on nuclear wind and got picked up by electronic fly paper, and then they were taken to the movies to be implanted with fake things like religion. Then they were let go to roam the earth and attach to humans...which is what makes time travel possible.

Oh wait - that's the flux capacitor.

Sorry...digressing.

Now, to get back in your right head and get these dead alien people off you...you gotta learn how to chat with them and tell them they are dead (I see dead aliens)...so they can go off and be all they can be!

What makes this story the stoopidestest thing I ever heard of before is the simple fact that even if you only took the over popluated people (13.5 trillion) and blew them up - you still have76 planets with a bunch of fucking people on them. But...mysteriously all the other planets of people are all gone now.

And...as everyone knows, there are waaaaayyyyy more than 76 planets in the universe.

Now, I'm supposing that not all planets can carry life to the point of paying taxes - so even if, in the smallest of countings, you put one planet in each galaxy that we know of - you would still have a helluva lot more than 76 planets capable of supporting Tax Paying life forms.

So this Xenu guy is like Darth Vader or the Emperor...and is causing problems in just one part of the galaxy. But we are suppose to understand that his actions affect everyone on a universal scale.

But that's just dumb.

I mean not even smart dumb - like hitting a time travel wall at 88 miles per hour. Everyone knows you would have to go a helluva lot faster than that. You would probable have to go just under the speed of light. But then the Delorean would probably disentergrate...so that would totally ruin the experiment.

Digressing again!

So I give the whole Evil Lord Overthruster Coitus Interruptus Xenu story a 5 star rating (where 5 is the most stoopidestest in the entire universe).

Thanks South Park!!

Dancing Idiot Thingamabob...Xenu gets...nothing! Cause it is DUMB!